Hey everyone, I’m geminiBlu and new to this platform. I’ve been using for the better part of 12 years now. I used to tell myself that I was “a functional addict with a car, apartment and a job”… Lol It’s true, I do have a car, apartment and a job, but I use pretty much every day. Not proud in saying that. I don’t know who I would be if I was clean. Sad, huh? I’m pretty bad with words, so forgive me. I’d like to end these past few chapters with a new way of life. How? Cold turkey? Get rid of your friends that use? I’m lost. Any thoughts?
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@geminiBlu Welcome to the collective. This doesn’t sound sad, it sounds very familiar to be honest. The hardest part is getting started in recovery. For myself, the only way I could stop using was to get help. There is a TON of support out there for people that want it. I had to take a break from my using friends and totally focus on recovery. I’m not sure how you want to go about it but my journey looked like this: 1. I got a comprehensive assessment. 2. I went to inpatient treatment. 3. Went to sober living and outpatient treatment. 4. Attended A LOT of support groups for the first 3 years of my recovery. Everyones journey looks different, but this is the path that I took. The most important thing I did was make a commitment to recovery and made it my main focus.
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Welcome @geminiBlu !! I went to treatment many times. Every time, except the last I was not ready. I didnt want to end the chapter, so the fact you do is huge. I went to treatment and then sober living. Sober living was the best thing Ive ever done. Met some of my best friends. Got a job I love, and was surrounded by support as I rebuilt my life. I also played on a recovery softball league and recovery hockey league and that was fun. I lost a lot of friends, by choice. realized they weren’t real friends, they were trauma bonds and drug friends.
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@geminiBlu how are you doing today? Are you working up the courage to take a first small step towards change? Do you have an idea of what a first step might be?
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I dont think its sad at all. I think we get so used to a way of life that changing can be absolutely scary. For me my drug was my crutch, my coping, my escape, my celebration, my anti depressant… all until it wasnt.
I’m curious what you have tried before? What kind of support are you interested in exploring. Times have changed… there are so many more options out there and ways to recover.
PM me if you want to connect.
I also believe this…
Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.
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Hi, Thanks for welcoming me and giving me some advice. I just took the Intake Assessment last week, Friday. My health insurance didn’t pay the $100.00 for it and at first, I was pissed, but later on I told myself that I certainly pay a lot more than that to get high and realized how my mind needs to focus on quitting getting high. I did find out that alot of places that I called today, do not take Medicare, which is what I have since I’m on SSDI. So tomorrow, I’m going to call a few places that got excellent reviews and try and get into an Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program. I’m scared as hell, but I need to do something. I’m tired of everything. I’ve built up quite a tolerance, so it drives me to use more just to get high. I just really hopes it works out for me, but I’m going to give it my all and then some. Wish me luck. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks again for your kind words. ~ g
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Hi there. I just took an Intake Assessment and today I called a few treatment centers and the ones I called, don’t take Medicare, which is what I have since I’m on SSDI. Tomorrow, I’m going to do some searching and try and find a few places that actually take Medicare. I sure hope that they all don’t accept Medicare, because I cannot do this alone. I’ve tried before and it doesn’t work. I want to go to an Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program, so hopefully I’ll find a place with great reviews. Wish me luck. ~ g
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Hey, thanks for the message. I want to have the same outcome of your story. And you’re right about the drama and the fake, using friends. If something ever bad would happen to me, I know the people who I use with wouldn’t be there. They’d come if I had extra drugs tho, that’s for damn sure. But that’s one thing I have never done is not be there for anyone. I’ve been driving to go pick up someone or helped someone out at all hours of the day. But I’m just so tired of it all. It takes me longer to get high now, since I’ve built up such a damn tolerance, so sometimes it’s not even worth it. But here I am…still using. My car just got repossessed, so now I don’t have a f*cking car. I cannot believe that I allowed myself to lose my car. I did take an Intake Assessment and called a few places, but most places don’t accept Medicare, which is what I have, since I’m on SSDI. Tomorrow is a new day and I’ll call some more places. I cannot do this alone. I don’t have that in me. I sure hope I have a successful outcome. I want to feel alive again. Later… ~ g
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Heeeeeey @geminiBlu !! Im happy to see you’r posts 
Where are you located? I might have some insight into medicaid places that are good, maybe! I was (and still am to a point) like yourself. I love to help and I love to support, whatever that looks like. Sounds like you’d make a great peer. Its a fucking battle but the other option is an even harder fucking battle, addiction is no joke, no fun and not an “easy” life to live. You got this just keep holdin on!
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Hey @JayJay, I’m located in Minneapolis, MN, so I’d be looking for an Outpatient Treatment Program in pretty close range to wear I live, since I don’t have a car at the moment. I live close to Loring Park. I’ve heard about Nuway, but not many others. So yeah, if you know of any places… that’d be a big help. Thanks. ~ g
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You can try Fairview- I dont know insurance specifics but its worth a call
https://www.mhealthfairview.org/treatment/Substance-Use-Disorder-Outpatient-Treatment-Program
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Thanks @Ruby, it is worth a try. I’ll check them out too. I used to work for Fairview as a nursing assistant. But I’ll give them a call. Thanks. ~ g
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@geminiBlu, here is another option.
They aren’t in Minneapolis but they are in St Paul right on University so easy to get to by the light rail or bus.
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Hey @geminiBlu reading your stuff on here, thanks for sharing your experience I need to hear it
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Hey, thanks. Not having the best day today. I tried calling for an Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program for substance abuse, but none of them would take Medicare, because I am on SSDI. So frustrating to say the keast. You want help and they turn you away. So I just said F*** it and got high. I know, really smart. I don’t understand my brain. So frustrating… ~ g
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Hey @geminiBlu thinking about you! Hows the search going?
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@geminiBlu how are things going?
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Hey @JayJay, I’m so sick of being told that my health insurance doesn’t work at treatment places, I’ve given up for the moment. Of course, I f*cken relapsed. I just happen to run into my ex and that’s all it took. Toxicity and all. I know better than that to do that kind of crap. An ex is an ex for a reason. Right? Ugh!! Now, I’ve been using everyday again. I’m so mad at myself for not being stronger. Right now, it’s just day to day, I guess. How are you doing? I hope well. ~ g
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Hey Ruby, not so good here. I just relapsed again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I wish I could disappear sometimes, you know? How are you doing? I hope good. ~ g
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Ugh shit im sorry @geminiBlu - thats a horrible feeling for sure. Addiction is a fucked up disease. Were sick, and if we dont have access to the help we need to get better it can make it feel impossible. Hope today is better than yesterday 