One part of my life that is hard right now is learning how to manage the little money that I have to deal with my needs or wants. When I was using it was always easy come easy go for years but it doesnt come like that anymore…its hard to straighten out priorities. Like do I really need that hoodie that costs 65 or can I go with the one thats 29. Those types of things.
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I’m on a fixed income and I was always good at finances. But since this last time relapsing, I’ve lost my car and soon going to declare bankruptcy. Not proud saying that, but now that’s a part of my life. One of my sisters asked me hope I can afford to get high living on a fixed income. I told her that you’ll find a way. She said that’s just an excuse and if I really wanted to stop that I could. Just don’t do it. I told her it doesn’t work that way and then I told her how I sometimes get my drugs..through sex. She told me that I was a disgusting person who she doesn’t even know anymore and to erase her and her kids from my life. Then she threw a glass of water in my face and said that I needed to wake up. Then she said that I was dead to her. I mean, she’s right…having sex with people you don’t even know, so you can use their drugs or get drugs from them is disgusting. I’m not proud of doing that, but when suffering from an addiction, I guess it can make you do anything to get that fix. She’s right. I am disgusting. ~ g
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I am so sorry that you got that reaction from your sister, she maybe has limited understanding about where our addictions will drive us. Sometimes in recovery I have found that I build new “family” with the people who can really understand. I understand and there are many more who do as well, of both sexes. I am planning on filing bankruptcy as well, because I dont see anyway out of this financial insanity that I am in right now. Let me know if you find any low cost or free resources and I will do the same for you
PS you are NOT disgusting!!! Please never say that to yourself, that is a very hurtful, harmful message to say in your head. We ALL have made choices that go against who our true Spirits are, love and forgiveness of self is key. Also , for awhile, be mindful of who you expose your wounded places to, because people sometimes react cruelly out of fear. YOU ARE A WORTHWHILE PERSON, DESERVING LOVE AND RESPECT!!!