When I reach recovery milestones and someone asks, “How’d you do it?” I have no easy answer to that question. You mean, how did I overcome negative self-beliefs, deal with the pain of losing close relatives, build healthier habits, make new friends, set boundaries, and find meaning in life without drugs AND stay the course after doing all that? The simplest answer I can conjure is that I put my tobacco down every day for years.
I had a tree where I would place my tobacco offering every morning, and soon a nice pile of tobacco began to build up. This became my spot. I don’t know how to pray, nor do I pretend to know now, but my relationship with tobacco has evolved over the years. I’ve cried many times at this tree—for my mother, for my cousins who passed away from overdoses, for failed relationships that left me heartbroken, and most recently, during the four-day journey of my baby sister. This tree knows my sorrow and struggles intimately, more so than my therapist. However, this tree also knows the gratitude I have experienced in my recovery journey: my first full-time job, the birth of my youngest child, getting my driver’s license, my sister entering recovery, becoming a foster parent, and so much more.
The only thing that has remained consistent for me over the years is this tree and my offering of tobacco. I offer my tobacco to the Creator for hearing my prayers. During the first few years, I was super consistent with my offerings. At times, I felt strange just standing next to a tree with a pinch of tobacco in my hand, whispering as much of my language as I could speak.
I don’t fully understand why this is so important, and I continue to struggle with faith. But after nine years in recovery, when I face struggles in my life, I go to my tree. A few years ago, I fasted for four days at the Turtle Mountain Tribe and was gifted a pipe to hold my tobacco offerings. I smoke my pipe often, but sometimes I still prefer to go to my tree—to give thanks, to turn things over to the Creator, and to accept life on life’s terms.
I know this may seem vague and doesn’t fully explain the practice of putting tobacco down, but the best advice I can offer to people in early recovery is to build a relationship with your tobacco. You will begin to see its power. Each journey and relationship is unique to the individual, but for me it has been the most powerful tool in my recovery, helping me stay grounded and carry me through the most difficult times in my life.
So, to the person reading this: Build your relationship and make those offerings. What I do know for certain is that this is the most powerful tool we have to address the substance use that plagues our communities. Mi’iw.
Niitamigahbow,
Colin Cash