Just curious on peoples answers. Was it peer pressure, forced to try them, traumatic childhood, abusive relationship, curiosity, trying to numb pain, someone in your family uses or any other reason?
All of the above? lol Broken home, alcoholic father, social anxiety, numbing, peer pressure, no identity…
It all started by wanting to fit in.
I had very little self worth and found a place in drinking and smoking. Became very much my identity
My using started when I met a guy on a “dating app” who was a little younger than me and we instantly clicked. Our vibes were in sync with each other’s. fr Within 2 hours of meeting him, he shot me up with crystal meth. That was my first introduction to it and we parTied for about 4 days straight. From that first meeting, we were together as a couple for 3 years and had 1 solid year that we were clean together. Once we started using again, it became toxic. It took me only two times for him beating the crap out of me to leave. So fast forward 10 years, I still am using. I justify my present day using by saying that I have a job and that “I don’t use everyday” lol …legit, I’ve got about 2 hours clean time now, so go me, right? I know I need to stop this insanity, but I don’t know what a normal routine would even look like. I’ve never been to treatment, but I need to change. I’m afraid, I’ll admit it. I’m afraid of what I might see in the mirror. I feel defeated. ~ g
2 hours is 2 hours! What you will see in the mirror is someone who is broken, hurt, but loved, human and deserving of a beautiful life. Its impossible to see the beauty of a life in recovery when were so deep in the hell that is addiction. Addiction turned me into a fucking monster. Recovery showed me who I truly was and am.
Family negativity and constant doubt. Lack of confidence from family. The first air of spring is particularly bad. The death date of my late husband and his birthday. And chronic pain in the last two years. Every day. And losing hope and becoming depressed. At least I recognize these